


Audio Diary of Dr. John Seward

by Taxonamie



Series: Hellsing Revamp [1]
Category: Dracula - Bram Stoker, Hellsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taxonamie/pseuds/Taxonamie
Summary: An incidental discussion of vampire forensics, as well as an overview of some vampire physiologyThis is a mock-document; a transcription of one of Dr. Seward's phonograph cylinders one night, before he becomes victim to Dr. van Helsing's enthusiasm.





	Audio Diary of Dr. John Seward

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you've found this without any experience of my bizarre attempt to re-boot the entire concept of Hellsing, I'm Sorry! Here's my tumblr, https://www.tumblr.com/blog/blood-fangs-talons   
> 'the bat speaks' is a tag that's gonna help you understand what I'm about.   
> This particular work is an attempt to 1) stave off the winter boredom and 2) motivate me to actually get the rest of my work into psuedo-publishing shape.   
> Be nice, enjoy!

Dr. John “Jack” Seward: October 18th, 1895, recorded by Dr. John Seward, at Carfax Asylum, Whitby. Evening rounds were uneventful, and--

[Sound of opening door]

Dr. Abraham van Helsing: Guten abend, Jack! Oh--apologies you are taking your notes, we will come again later--

[Sound of chair being pushed back]

Dr. Seward:                Abraham, nonsense, come in! Good evening Mr. Dracula.

Vladislaus Dracula:  Good Evening Doctor.

Dr. Seward:                No, I was just recording my notes for today, let me—

Dr. van Helsing:         Oh, is that your phonogram?

Vlad:                              The sound recording device?

Dr. Seward:                Yes, it's how I record my notes, I just speak and the sound is recorded on this little wax cylinder.

Vlad:                              [Sincerely] Amazing.

Dr. van Helsing:         You may be want to leave it on actually, we are here to tell you about the observations we have made of Vampire physiology! Is that alright, Vlad?

Vlad:                              I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. They remain private, correct?

Dr. Seward:                They do. They’re my personal notes. You have my curiosity now, what is it you’ve discovered?

Dr. van Helsing:         Oh, are you comfortable? I wouldn’t want to risk falling into one of my ramblings and leave you trapped and uncomfortable.

Dr. Seward:                Absolutely, I’ve missed your lectures, Professor.

Dr. van Helsing:         Ahhh haha, come back to the university some time, my friend, I still give them! Now! Where should we start?

Vlad:                              The dishes.

Dr. van Helsing:         Very good, very good! So! My so brilliant peer, Doctor Joseph Petri, has invented a wonderful thing. It is a dish, with a careful layer of agar in it, which is carefully made sterile. In one if these dishes, you can place a thing inside one, and see how these germs grow and spread. For example,

[Sound of rustling and gently clinking glass)

Dr. van Helsing:         Here is one that I touched and allowed to carefully incubate. You can see here there are many colonies of many kinds of germs, all which live on my hand! Perhaps you are thinking you should not have shaken my hand, yes? Haha! Yes, but we all have such organisms on our person all of us, yes, but one. Our friend Vlad [pause, the sound of clinking] has no such forest on his skin. Here is another dish which Vlad has touched, and I have allowed to incubate for precisely the same amount of time as the first.

Dr. Seward: [Exclamation of surprise]

Dr. van Helsing: As you can see, it is completely clean! There are no organisms--no germs--on Vlad’s hands. Now, we were curious as to why this was, so we designed another set of dishes to see whether he is simply clean, or else has some effect on germs. Here is one, [clinking] where first, he placed his hand, and then I placed mine.

Dr. van Helsing:         As you can see, there is no difference between this and the first I showed you, he might as well never have touched it. Compare it to,

[clinking]

Dr. van Helsing:         This one, where first I touched it, and then he followed.

Dr. Seward:                [exclamation of surprise] I can see the very outline of his hand!

Dr. van Helsing:         Yes, yes! So any place where his print did not touch mine, the germs of my hand grew!

Dr. Seward:                What does this mean?

Vlad:                              It means that, wherever I touch, I kill the organisms that exist there.

Dr. van Helsing:         Precisely! Now, the cause of this is unknown. Does he somehow affect the bodies of the germs, or is there something spiritual or paranormal happening here?

Dr. Seward:                Well?

Dr. van Helsing:         [cheerfully]: We have no idea!

Dr. Seward:                But it’s remarkable! Naturally sterile--even sanitizing! You should be a doctor, Mr. Dracula!

Vlad:                              So I’ve been told.

Dr. Seward:                [Laughing] A Phlebotomist, perhaps!

Dr. van Helsing:         [Laughing] A bloodletter, oh Jack!

Vlad:                              [with realization] Ahh! [quiet laughing]

Dr. van Helsing:         I have been bringing him with me to my classes, and he has been a model student!

Vlad:                              You flatter me, master

Dr. van Helsing:         Never! I mean it entirely, you would be a wonderful doctor.

Vlad:                              My bedside manner would not be appropriate.

Dr. van Helsing:         It can be improved! This sterile nature of yours, combined with your other talents?

Dr. Seward:                Which ones?

Dr. van Helsing:         Well, setting aside his sterilizing touch, he is able to smell sickness on a person’s breath, and hear obstructions in the narrow pathways of the lung, without use of a stethoscope. And he can simply see if a person is cold or with fever!

Dr. Seward:                He can?

Dr. van Helsing:         Ah yes, he can! We have discovered that he can see lights that you or I could not! He is, for example, able to see the sunrise long before the first light touches the East, and he has described the glow of warmth not only as a figure of speech, but as a light that he sees on our cheeks.

Dr. Seward:                Can he see veins themselves?

Vlad:                              Only where the vein is large, and carries warmth close to the skin. Wrists, for example. Throats.

Dr. Seward:                [Moment’s pause] Ah.

Dr. van Helsing:         I maintain that you would be a truly exceptional doctor, my friend.

Vlad:                              [with slight warmth] Thank you, master.

Dr. van Helsing:         Would you very much mind if we showed Jack my other observations?

Vlad:                              By all means. You were remarking on diagnosing a vampire population based on bite patterns.

Dr. van Helsing:         You are being too modest again! This is your diagnostic protocol, after all!

Dr. Seward:                Sorry, bite pattern?

Vlad:                              The style of bite marks often shows whether the attacker was a young or an old vampire, and more.

Dr. Seward:                You are already familiar with this?

Vlad:                              I have had occasion to identify rivals and inexperienced fledglings. It is dangerous for me and my fledglings, if sloppy kills draw the attention of hunters or local superstitious folk. They might stake the wrong vampire, [coldly] and it doesn’t exactly matter to hunters if my child is innocent of crimes another has committed.

Dr. Seward:                I understand. A single vampire that draws attention endangers all vampires in the area, whether they are living peaceably or not.

Dr. van Helsing:         Just so!

Dr. Seward:                So how do you tell the difference!

Dr. van Helsing:         Vladislaus, if you will?

[Pause]

Dr. van Helsing:         So you see here the fangs, only slightly remarkable, by no means outside the realm of possibility for human canine length. However, these extend easily with some kind of muscle--

Dr. Seward:                Mm! How long are those?

Vlad:                              [With pride] 2.8 centimeters.

Dr. van Helsing:         Formidable, no? But, that movability that allows him to hide his fangs, also means that they are not so strong as they look. See, I can move it with just the strength of my hand. See how it moves in its place like a child’s loose tooth? Though they look intimidating, a thrashing, struggling prey could easily move and damage those fangs quite heavily.

Dr. Seward:                So how do they protect their fangs? Hypnosis? Strength?

Dr. van Helsing:         Clever questions, but both are insufficient.

Vlad:                              Hypnosis only goes so far. Most young vampires are incapable of this, and the instinct to survive is strong. Most hypnoses shatter the second I would stab into their throats. Strength, also, is not always easily relied upon. Not all vampires are as powerful as myself; perhaps only a little stronger than a human. Someone fighting for their lives can sometimes break free.

Dr. van Helsing:         So, there is another method. Vlad? [pause] Now that he has opened his mouth fully, we may poke about like a bird in the mouth of a crocodile. Don’t be frightened my friend, he won’t bite us.

Dr. Seward:                I am… simply put off,

Dr. van Helsing:         Ah, the jaws. Hah, yes, I must confess I don’t regard them as unsettling anymore. Yes, so the mandibles are split, and can move independently of the other, and can open startlingly wide. I have a few guesses as to physical characters of the bone itself, but that is not nearly so interesting as the mouth’s denizens. If I could draw your attention to...

Dr. Seward:                My god, they’re--

Dr. van Helsing:         Like a snake! Curved towards the throat like a python! and look how many, perhaps almost twenty of them, just on this one side!

Dr. Seward:                There are… three, four, for every molar? Almost eighty tiny teeth. What on earth are they for?

Dr. van Helsing:         Vlad?

Vlad:                              Doctor Seward, you’re familiar only with what a bite looks like when the human is calm and consenting. Don’t speak, it’s true. I only used my fangs, and bit gently. In truth, a killing bite has three parts to it. First: a slashing bite to sever the--er,

Dr. van Helsing:         Trachea.

Vlad:                              The Trachea. This means that they cannot scream, and the air from their lungs is pressed through the hole in the throat. This must be precise, so that it does not damage the rest of the neck.

Vlad:                              Second, there is a bite to the throat, to open wounds to the large pathways of blood there.

Dr. van Helsing:         Now, as you are familiar, there are two large arteries and veins on each side of the jugular--Vlad did not know this, but has learned with practice to target the carotid arteries, because they have higher pressure as the blood flows from the heart, and the blood flows faster. This bite also must be precise so that the skin does not tear from muscle, and blood does not instead pool under the skin.

Dr. Seward:                And what about those small teeth in the back?

Dr. van Helsing:         The Third part.

Vlad:                              Once they have been quieted, and the wound has been opened, it is necessary to move the neck more deeply into the mouth. I bite down a third time, and hold securely.

Dr. van Helsing:         The small teeth hold the muscles of victim’s throat securely, while the victim's own heart pumps their blood out of their system, aided, I think, by a vampire’s suction.

Dr. Seward:                Ghastly.

Vlad:                              Unremarkable.

Dr. Seward:                [horrified] Unremark--!

Vlad:                              There is no un-ghastly death.

Dr. van Helsing:         That may be true, but we must acknowledge that human life is not insignificant, Vlad.

Vlad:                              Certainly, but my method of killing is no more cruel than a hanging.

Dr. Seward:                The difference there is that you are attacking innocents!

Vlad:                              Then death by cholera, or pneumonia.

Dr. van Helsing:         [sharply] The point of sharing this pattern of behaviors is to save lives, gentlemen.

[silence]

Dr. van Helsing:         Vladislaus’s manner of survival is not relevant to this conversation. What is relevant is how this pattern of behavior can inform us as to the age, experience, and danger of any given vampire in the area.

Dr. Seward:                [coughs] As you say.

Dr. van Helsing:         Now, as you can see, there are several potentials for error an inexperienced vampire might be identified with. Torn, broken skin around the carotid arteries. Imprecise placement of the bite. An undamaged trachea. A lack of bitemarks by the posterior teeth. All of these could indicate a young vampire.

Dr. van Helsing:         Similarly, the combination might show us if the vampire fledgling has had tutelage, or if it has been abandoned.

Dr. Seward:                Does that happen?

Vlad:                              Often.

Dr. van Helsing:         Vlad has already perfected the art of identifying the quality of his rivals. For example?

Vlad:                              A young, untaught fledgling will start with attacking the arteries for blood, and learn the other strategies later. If we find corps--[brief pause] victims, with marks like these, we know that someone has been creating vampires and abandoning them. That means there is at least one mature vampire, who is either intentionally or accidentally creating one or more orphan fledglings.

Vlad:                              A fledgling, learning from their sire, will attempt all three parts, and improve each part gradually. It isn’t common for vampires to have more than one fledgling at a time, so that means that there is a sire and a fledgling together in an area.”

Dr. Seward:                Would you therefore find more victims showing the sire’s more perfected techniques as well?

Vlad:                              Older vampires are generally better at hiding their remnants, or allowing their victims to survive without risk of discovery.

Dr. Seward:                Why wouldn’t a sire want to help their fledgling hide their… remnants?

Vlad:                              They often do. But at a certain point, the fledgling is mostly exploring alone. Much like a child, they have to learn on their own sometime.

Dr. Seward:                So what would an experienced vampire’s victim look like?

Vlad:                              Well hidden, so probably fairly decomposed by the time of discovery.

Dr. Seward:                Assuming it’s a recent death.

Vlad:                              A clean, single slash between the ribs of thick, er--

Dr. van Helsing:         Cartilage

Vlad:                              --on the trachea. Four clean punctures, all of which are lined perfectly into the carotid arteries on each side of the throat. A single bite mark of the posterior teeth, on both sides of the the throat. A bloom of blood under the skin, like a lover’s mark.

Dr. van Helsing:         Broken capillaries, caused by the exertion of suction. There is one more character’s set of signs you’ve neglected, my friend.

Vlad:                              Which?

Dr. van Helsing:         The reluctant vampire.

Vlad:                              Ah.

Dr. Seward:                A vampire who is trying not to be a vampire?

Dr. van Helsing:         Or is trying not to kill, but doesn’t have the experience to stop before it is too late.

Dr. Seward:                Can I try to guess what the signs would be?

Dr. van Helsing:         By all means.

Dr. Seward:                Well, they would want as little damage to their victim as possible, perhaps even having a consenting victim. So it would be a single clean anterior bite, carefully applied but imprecise, on the throat. No other marks, no tear from struggle, no broken capillaries. Perhaps even a high volume of blood left in the body. Just… not enough. What would they do with the body?

Vlad:                              They might even simply leave the victim where they were, waiting for them to wake, or too frightened to move it.

[silence]

Dr. Seward:                Mr. Dracula, did your sire teach you these things?

[Notable pause]

Vlad:                              No. No, I learned on my own.

Dr. Seward:                How… did--

Vlad:                              Trial and Error, Doctor. All I know, I have taught myself. I would have died many years ago if I hadn’t.

Dr. Seward:                Were you abandoned by your--

Vlad:                              [Talking over him] I believe there was another intimacy of my anatomy you wished to reveal to the Doctor, Master?

Dr. van Helsing:         Yes, yes there is. Vlad would you and Jack come to the lamp here?

[Sound of movement]

Dr. van Helsing:         Now, you’ll notice that Vlad’s eyes are an unremarkable dark shade, yes?

Dr. Seward:                They look very dark. Perhaps brown, maybe black.

Dr. van Helsing:         Yes, and let us look a little better.

[quiet hiss]

Dr. van Helsing:         Apologies, my friend. Now Jack, what do you see?

Dr. Seward:                My god, is that the pupil?

Vlad:                              Are you this rude to your patients? I’d go mad too.

[Laughing]

Dr. Seward:                [Laughing] I’m sorry, I’m just surprised. They’re, er, interesting?

Vlad:                              Poor recovery, but the effort will have to do.

Dr. Seward:                They look like an apple run through with a pole, or, maybe, like a round pupil sat on top of a cat’s eye?

Dr. van Helsing:         Beautiful, no?

Vlad:                              See Doctor, _he_ knows how to compliment someone’s eyes.

Dr. van Helsing:         I’m still uncertain as to why this is helpful, but that given that cats are nocturnal and humans diurnal, I suspect that this shape of pupil gives him some advantage for seeing at night. But is there something else you notice?

[Pause]

Dr. Seward:                Well professor, what am I missing?

Dr. van Helsing:         They aren’t red. There is some eyeshine in the pupils, yes, but you surely clearly remember their bright red light when we confronted Lucy, or in the dark of his home in London?

Dr. Seward:                You’re right! They’re… perhaps an orangy dark brown?

Dr. van Helsing:         Any guesses as to why that might be?

Dr. Seward:                Emotion? or, magical exertion?

Dr. van Helsing:         Perhaps both, but also--is this the lightswitch?

Dr. Seward:                Yes

Dr. van Helsing:         Good.

[Click]

Dr. Seward:                [Exclamation]

Dr. van Helsing:         So as you can see, they not only reflect light, as an animal does, but they create light, by which to see! This light is not visible when there is light around him, but in darkness?

Dr. Seward:                Mr. Dracula, would you, er, would you please bring something close to your eyes? I want to see if they create enough light by which I can see anything.

[sound of moving paper]

Dr. Seward:                Remarkable! Truly remarkable! And that--that light doesn’t blind you?

Vlad:                              I can see perfectly well. There is little color, though.

Dr. Seward:                Can you--may I test your ability?

Vlad:                              Thank you for asking permission, yes.

Dr. Seward:                Can you go to my desk and pull out, oh, my amber paperweight?

[Sound of opening drawer, rummaging items, closing drawer, and rustling fabric.]

Vlad:                          This one?

Dr. Seward:                The very one! Excellent! I knew you could see well in the dark, but this is… well, it’s amazing! You really are creating your own light!

[Click]

[Groaning]

[A quiet growl]

Dr. van Helsing:         My apologies.

Dr. Seward:                So what does this mean?

Dr. van Helsing:         Nothing really, but it is fascinating, no?

Dr. Seward:                Absolutely, absolutely. Actually, I think that the wax cylinder is almost—

[End Recording]

 

 


End file.
